Thoughts on Forgiveness and a Practical Exercise

               Whether you’re new to the spiritual scene or you’ve been on your path for some time now, no doubt you’ve come across the big F-word: Forgiveness.  It’s huge.  It’s essential.  But why do we NEED to practice it?  What is forgiveness really and what does it have to do with Sacred Communication?  And, perhaps most important of all, how?  How do we forgive, especially in situations that are particularly hurtful or unjust?

                The answer to how relies heavily on the answer to the first two questions of why and what.  Let me begin by saying that to forgive doesn’t mean to condone the actions that led to the need for forgiveness.  It doesn’t make whatever happened okay.  We forgive to release ourselves from pain.  We forgive so our brains can stop re-experiencing trauma.

               You see, our brains, as amazing as they can be, cannot tell the difference between what is real and what isn’t.  As somebody who suffered from panic attacks for many years, this understanding was key to my freedom from anxiety.  Panic attacks are our bodies’ physiological response to a threat that isn’t really there.  My rapid heartbeat, cold sweat, and difficulty breathing wouldn’t seem out of place if I were, say, face to face with an angry grizzly bear.  What made them something my doctors called an anxiety disorder was that they would happen while I was in a safe and stable environment, like my living room.  Was I in danger while sitting on my couch watching Project Runway, procrastinating on a term paper?  I sure hope not.  But my brain didn’t know that because I was worrying or under stress.   You see in my head I was a complete failure who would eventually end up homeless and hungry.  So my brain sent signals to the rest of my body to go into survival mode, even though the reality of the situation was that I was well-fed with a roof over my head and cable TV. 

The same divide between reality and what’s in our minds occurs when we experience memories, especially those that are emotionally charged.  When we remember a painful situation, without practicing forgiveness, we re-experience the trauma of that event.  This, in turn, creates some major blocks in our flow and we vibrate at much lower levels energetically.  Just as a car loses fuel efficiency and is slowed down by heavy loads and deflated tires, our energy, our ability to communicate efficiently, is also burdened by pain and trauma we have experienced.  Forgiveness helps lighten our load.  Forgiveness raises us up, it inflates us, so that we become lighter and are better able to traverse the landscapes of our soul. 

         Forgiveness is essential to Sacred Communication.  When we carry unforgiveness  around with us, we are closed off.  It’s as if we are walking around with blinders.  We are unable to perceive what we need for our Highest Good.  Just as a starving man might ignore the risks associated with stealing to be fed, we too can ignore dangers in our quest to escape from the hurt we experience when remembering situations that call for forgiveness.  Forgiveness helps us heal and move on.  It helps US – the forgivers. 

          As stated before, forgiveness does not condone hurtful actions.  We don’t do it for others.  We do it for ourselves.  It is a process.  Yes, it helps us recover from pain and it lightens our burden, but it is no magic wand that takes one wave to cure the wound.  When we forgive, we cut the energetic ties we have to a particular person or situation.  We stop the flow of negative energy.  Once we do this we feel better.  However, we may still think of the situation, or even dream of the person, from time to time.  Revisiting and remembering the situation may still be painful.  That doesn’t mean our forgiveness didn’t “work.”  Nor does it mean you’re “stuck in the past.”  If this happens, I encourage you to ask your Broadest Being, what lesson still needs to be learned from this past event.  In fact, if you find yourself going back to a situation that you thought was far behind you, it might mean that you have finally reached a place of forgiveness in your heart that allows your soul to take what it needs from that situation.  Ask yourself without judgment what it is you need to know.  The answer will come.
          
         The following exercise will help speed along that process of forgiveness.  It can be done as a meditative visualization or you can actually do the actions described.  I call it praying with props.  Do whatever feels right to you.  If you would like to actually do this, you’ll need a writing implement and some sort of blank check.  This could just be a slip of paper you write on or you can find a template online and print it out.

First, enter your heartspace.  Hold your hands to your heart and take three deep breaths, in through your nose and out through your mouth.  If you have something to write with, hold it in your hands to your heart as you breathe.  Your heart center is a vibrant glowing green.  You may even see sparkles of nurturing pink light (Mother Mary, according to some). 

            Once you are occupying your heartspace, ask your Highest Self for what needs healing most.  What situation or person needs your forgiveness?  Wait for an answer.  See what you notice.  It may be an image, a sound, a thought.  Or perhaps it is something obvious that motivated you to do this visualization in the first place.  Just notice your heart’s desire.  It is also perfectly acceptable to just choose something.

When you have decided who or what you wish to forgive, see yourself drawing a beautiful writing tool from your heart.  Maybe it’s a quill.  Perhaps it’s a fountain pen or a sparkly pen with a tuft of feathers on top.  It could even be a freshly sharpened number two pencil with bright yellow paint.  Visualize whatever brings you joy.  If you are actually doing this exercise, do the same in choosing what you are going to write with.  Write with something that makes you happy.  Your favorite pen or a writing tool set aside for sacred purposes.  Whatever you choose, see it glowing and charged with the bright emerald energy of your heart chakra.

           Now you are ready to write your check of forgiveness.  First, fill out the line, “Pay to the order of,” and write the person’s or group’s name that you are forgiving.  In the little box next to this line make the infinity symbol: a figure 8 lying on its side.  This ensures that your act of forgiveness reaches out and heals across all of time, even the past.  Next, on the amount line, write, “Total and Unconditional Forgiveness.”   It is unconditional because you are making the choice to forgive.  It is not hinged on the apology of the other person.  You may also choose to add a brief description of the situation that calls for forgiveness on the Memo line.  This focuses your act of forgiveness.  Before the last important step of signing your name, go back up to the top right corner of your check where the Date line is located.  Ask yourself if you are ready to forgive and release this situation/person fully right now.  Listen for the answer and be honest with yourself.  If you are ready, write today’s date.  If not, ask yourself when you will be able to?  Again, pay attention to your inner thoughts and feeling for an answer.  If a future date doesn’t come clearly to you, choose one and write it on the Date line.  KNOW that when that date comes, you will have completely processed the situation and will be able to release it fully, with no extra effort on your part.  Lastly, sign your name at the bottom of the check.  Your signature is important as it claims the intention as yours.  Then release the check and you are finished. 

If you are doing this as a visualization, you can visualize putting the check in the mail and the other person receiving it. If you chose to do this exercise in a tangible way, I encourage you to release the check in whatever way speaks to you.  You may choose to bury it or burn it (safely!).  You may even tear it into small pieces.  If you’ve post-dated the check (or even if you haven’t) you may decided to keep it on your altar for some time until you feel fully ready to release it.  You may choose to include this release in a ritual or it may be as unceremonious as you’d like.  It’s completely up to you.  Just do what you feel is right for you.    

           And there you have it.  With that simple visualization or act, you have rid yourself of the debt to whatever trauma you have experienced.  You have paid in full and are released energetically from any ties you have with the negativity of that situation or person. 

I hope you found this useful.  As always, I’d love to hear your feedback.  What worked and what didn’t?  How did you modify it to make it your own?  How did you feel afterwards?  What did you notice?  Anything you care to share will gladly be received.